Monday, February 22, 2010


Death seems to be in the air around here right now! This is Goldie who came to live with me after d-in-love went to part time at her office. After litterly coming back from the dead when she first brought him he has lived a lively fishes life here.That is until Friday night when he didn't eat and was swimming on his side and not surprising I found him floating belly up Saturday morning with his tank mate a black molly swimming circles around the tank. When I scoped Goldie out and gave him a burial in our underground sea Molly calmed down. D-in-love is going to bring me one of her large gold fish to keep Molly company. This is a picture of Molly and Goldie in happier times!! Funny how even the smallest fishes seem to live happier,more active lives when they have someone else around even if they don't seem to like each other very much and compete ferociously for the same morsel of food or the same space in the underwater hollow log.
That is the thought that ran through my mind repeatedly today at my father-in-laws funeral. Since the loss of his wife last year he just has not had a will to live,and to be around them you would have thought that they had nothing to do with each other or anything in common and each would not hardly know if the other one was gone.But this evidently wasn't the case in their lives either because after she died he didn't want to go anywhere or do anything,he stopped doing the things he had always loved to do and would often be found staring at a TV screen that was not even turned on. He just sort of wasted away until his body just gave out and he seemed to embrace death as it grew closer. My hope tonight is that he is rejoined with his wife and they are hand in hand again.
This has been a really loooonnnngggg day!!!!!!!! Tonight I feel like a balloon that just had all the air let out of it. Everything in my body mentally and physically is absolutely spent tonight and I can't wait to lay my head on that pillow and shut my eyes in the hope that sleep comes quickly and deeply. I hate funerals,I don't care who's they are, I wonder who came up with the idea for funerals and why??? They just seem like torture for the loved ones to sit and go through a sermon about the life of their loved one. Memories good and bad are conjured up while tears either flow freely or are choked back. Why can't we just meet with friends and family, share stories and memories, say a prayer,have some music,that would be what I would call a celebration of their life. I think we Baptists seem to want to punish ourselves in the name of Do-goodness when it really does no one any good. Sadly today there was no celebration of fa-in-laws life, only reminders of unanswered questions.
Tonight has been days in coming and the relief is welcome that officially this chapter is behind us.
Now we deal with the aftermath as it rears its ugly head. We are still in limbo,not knowing if we can get a death certificate or what name will be on it.I went ahead and made an appointment with our friend/lawyer for Wednesday morning to see what our options might be in all area's in each scenario so we can better decide which way to go. Why can't things ever be easy????? Tomorrow is still cleaning out the old house day,we have luckily inlisted the help of #1 son and my nephew,that should make the job go faster to have their extra muscles! So looking forward to getting back to normal,if I can figure out what actually is normal for me anymore. Starting last fall I lost the reality of what is normal for me,1st the construction projects,as soon as they were finished the snows started and haven't stopped and now this sickness and death in the family,whew!!!! Normal, what's that???? I have a feeling I'm going to have to find a new normal when all the dust finally settles.
One thing that never changes in my life is the love of my dear Lord and while all this worldly stuff seems to be crashing all around me,His love shines even brighter,I just have to lean harder on Him. He is the love of my life and I know that He loves me just as much.As I prayed for strength today He provided me exactly what I needed!
Good Night and God Bless.


Betsy from Tennessee said...

Hi Marilyn, My love and prayers are with you tonight. You sound totally exhausted--emotionally and physically. Life can certainly be hard at times --for all of us. Sounds like you need to take a day or two away --to recoop!!! Is there any way you can get away just for a couple of days??? We all need respite time on occasion... Hope you can find it!!!!

Hugs and Prayers,

Anonymous said...

I have had you on my mind so much the past few days. I pray that the Lord will bless each of you during this difficult time. I hope you can get some rest and begin to feel better.

Traci @ The Bakery said...

I was on here earlier today...and got very rudely interrupted w/ "stuff". I am so sorry to hear about your FIL. I will certainly put your family on my prayer list. I can't even imagine what you are going through and then to have the blasted snow....I am depressed just from the weather. Might I suggest listening to some podcasts that might be Beth Moore or Joyce Meyer? They seem to really help me get out of a funk. Thanks for visiting me are a light in my gray world right now!!!